Béal Feirste [Belfast] City, Digital Image, Nathan Walker, 2019
It was a cold, chilly night. At 6pm the church bells had rung, bringing musical tunes to many ears. The whole city of Béal Feirste [Belfast] had lit up, a beautiful evening. For a long time, I shall never forget what happened that night, a brilliant way to end a romantic date, though our hearts were not entwined as one.
Before we departed and went our own separate ways. He wrapped his arms around me. I could feel the warmth from his body. He looked into my eyes and stared into my soul. Nobody had ever looked at me that way before. For a short moment of time, I felt safe. His arms were still wrapped around me, waiting for our lips to unite as one. After looking into his eyes, I could see his true intentions.
Was it true love? Níl [No]
I never kissed him that night; I could not. In reality, he only wanted a one-night stand. Though he did not say a word, his facial expressions did all the talking.
Temptations of human desire were strong.
I declined his offer, and whispered: “Go raibh mile agat, oiche mhaith” [Thank you very much, good night] into his ear. Gently, he unwrapped his arms around me and smiled. After saying our farewells (Slán leat/goodbye), we began our own separate journeys in life. Fate did not allow us to become an item. We were not made for each other.
Do I have any regrets? Nil [No]
The heart shall not bleed.
Tears shall not flow.
Remorse shall not appear through the cracks.
His name shall not be mentioned.
I am strong and independent, a warrior at heart, a wise-man full of knowledge.
Human desire is powerful, and hard to resist. I could picture our lips uniting as one. Slowly, allowing part of myself to become a part of him. If I had allowed this to happen, he would have taken this further. If I had given what he wanted, would he still love me? Ráiméis! [Nonsense!]
Once his needs were met, obviously I would not hear from him again. In the process, he would have torn a piece of my heart and runaway. I may be fearless with words but vulnerable through a kiss. For this reason alone, I must protect myself from the sharks. As a gay man, I am a dignified individual with self-respect. My body belongs to me and will not be used as a toy.
Bodily Fluids, Digital Image, Nathan Walker, 2019
The human body is very complex. A rich combination of: DNA, blood, water and genetics, are combined together. Our bodies are delicate, vulnerable. A foreign entity of fluids can be dangerous. Sexually transmitted diseases, are harmful to the body. Protection and caution must be made. Our bodies were created from Mother Nature itself. We only get one body in life. In this world, there are many viruses and diseases. Some could permanently damage our bodily systems. For this reason alone, we should never jump into bed with a stranger. Once the damage is done, there is no turning back. We must treasure, and look after our own body.
Human desire has the ability to open ones eyes, or capable of clouding their judgement. Regardless of his true intentions, all I feel is love and compassion. One day, he will listen to his brain and ignore listening to his tiny little sausage! This man is no longer relevant. I am free. Sexual desire was tempting, but I listened to my gut feeling (Common sense). Overall, desire shall not corrupt my mind and heart. I control my own desires, and will not allow them to control me.
Though we should never underestimate our inner thoughts of desire.
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